


Oh Lord, Oh Lord, What Have I Done

by Hollyspacey



Series: We’ve Been Lonely Too Long [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollyspacey/pseuds/Hollyspacey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy takes a chance and invites someone to come on the road with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Lord, Oh Lord, What Have I Done

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this was inspired pretty heavily by The Civil Wars' 'Devil's Backbone' because I couldn't get it out of my head one day and I was actively avoiding work. 
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](http://hollyspacey.tumblr.com) so come say hello! :)

_Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what have I done?_

_I’ve fallen in love with a man on the run._

_***_

_Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not_

_He’s good and he’s bad and he’s all that I’ve got._

_Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I’m begging you please_

_Don’t take that sinner from me._

_Oh, don’t take that sinner from me._

 

 

Darcy doesn’t ask questions. She has them, sure. Mountains of them, but she never dares give them voice. She figures it wouldn’t do any good anyway. Just because she asks him, doesn’t mean she’ll get an answer. And she figures if he wants her to know something, he’ll tell her. Not that he’s talkative, but that he has grown comfortable enough with himself and her to speak about the important things.

She watches him now, softly sleeping in the bed across the room, and sees this trust. The way the nightmares come less often and less violently. The way the wall he keeps around himself gets a little smaller each day. He seems like a completely different man than the one that she first saw three months ago standing alone on a New York street.

At first she didn’t even pay attention to him, he was just another face in the busy crowd. There was no telling how long he’d been around before she actually noticed him, but once she did, she saw him everywhere.

She'd go down the street to grab lunch, he'd be reading a newspaper on the corner. She'd go for a walk around the block, he'd be casually leaning against the brick wall of the building across the street. It was later, though, that she realized why he looked so familiar.

One day he was sitting on a bench casually waiting for a bus when Darcy saw the faintest glimmer of metal peeking out between his sleeve and glove. Just a peek, but enough to see it wasn't a watch or bracelet sparkling under there. Something just clicked, seeing this man hanging around the Tower, obviously there for some reason but never doing anything other than just being there. It seemed Steve Rogers’ best friend had come back after all.

But not really. He never approached the Tower directly, just sort of meandered in its general direction, never spoke to anyone that lived there, at least to Darcy’s knowledge. Just hung around, taking his time, maybe deciding what move to make. She'd catch him watching her sometimes. She'd feel that tiny prickle on the back of her neck and glance down the street, forcing her eyes to slide right past him. He wanted anonymity and she would give it to him.

After living in the Tower for nearly a year, Darcy’s restless heart got to her and she realized she needed to get out and have a change of scenery. She hadn’t had a real vacation in years- the caretaking of needy scientists didn’t exactly lend itself well to time off. She whined to Jane and Tony until they agreed to give her a break, a full month to hop in her beat-up, old car and see the world. Or at least a small corner of it.

Something about being on the road and just driving helped clear her mind. Tony made sure that her car was in working order, and even agreed not to do too many ‘enhancements’ while he was at it. He had it waiting for her on the side street, fully gassed, already packed, and ready to go.

There, on the corner, leaning against a lamppost, was the man. They hadn’t been officially introduced, but Darcy had taken to calling him Bucky in her head. She’d heard so much from Steve about him and he’d been following her movements every time she’d left the Tower for months, she figured they were basically friends. He watched as she threw her final bag in the backseat and checked to make sure she had everything. Darcy nodded at him, acknowledging his presence for the first time, “Hey, how’s it going?”

He stared at her a moment and nodded. “Good,” he motioned towards her. “I like your car. It’s very...shiny.”

Darcy snorted, “Yeah, thanks.”

Her car had recently undergone a new paint job, a victim of the prank war that she and Clint constantly seemed to be having. It was currently a shimmery purple with a big arrow decal on the hood. Darcy didn’t bother telling Clint that she actually kind of loved it, just let him think he won that round, while he feared retribution for ‘ruining’ her car.

Bucky nodded again. “You going on a trip?”

Darcy couldn’t help but think that if it were any other male stranger on the street she would be long gone by now. She was smart and knew the danger, but this felt different. There was something about him, even knowing his past that was gluing her to the spot, that told her that this was a big moment and if she walked away she might miss it totally. So, she went with her gut, “Yeah, just a little road trip. Sometimes you need to get away, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” he answered softly.

They watched each other for a second and Darcy started towards the driver’s side, forcing her voice to stay casual, “You need a ride somewhere? I’ll take you.”

His brow furrowed only briefly. “Brooklyn?”

“Hop in.”

Darcy climbed inside and unlocked the door and the two of them headed to Brooklyn. Not another word was said, other than Darcy glancing over at him once, “You can call me Darcy, by the way.”

Once they got to Brooklyn, he didn’t tell her where to let him out and she didn’t ask. Just kept driving, looping back through the borough and continuing on their way. It was strange, on a road trip with someone she didn’t know. Learning about him from a couple of feet away, both of them looking at the highway ahead.

They left New York in the dust and Darcy could feel the change. The tension that always seemed to hang around him somehow disappeared. It was like now that he had something to focus on other than his past and his uncertain future, he could breathe again. The two of them had nowhere they needed to be, no itinerary, no route planned, they just _went_.

Darcy would drive for a few hours and then say, “Left or right?” Whatever Bucky answered was the way they would go. Sometimes they’d stop for dinner and pull into the closest hotel for the night. Other times they’d find a gas station, load up on junk food and questionable sandwiches and Darcy would hop in the passenger seat, letting Bucky take the wheel, and they’d drive until morning.

He would tell her things, sometimes. Just often enough to know that he remembered who he was and where he came from. He’d mention his best friend, never by name, but Darcy would immediately know Steve from the stories of reckless bravery and loyalty. Darcy would tell him all about Jane and Thor, and later, about Steve.

She would turn her head away from him ever so slightly to let him listen in privacy as she shared the Steve that she knew. Stories about what he’d been up to and the kind of person he still was. At first, any time Steve would come up in conversation, Bucky would withdraw just the slightest bit, but Darcy never let on that she knew who Bucky was and about his connection to Steve, pretended she didn’t notice when he asked her questions about him that a stranger wouldn’t care about.

Part of Darcy was surprised that they got along so well. Sure, Steve had made a comment here or there about how Bucky would have loved her, but Darcy knew that the man sitting in the seat next to her wasn’t exactly the same as the one that he knew. But threads of that man still showed through every once in awhile. That grin that she’d seen Steve sketch in his notebook, the slow Brooklyn drawl that filled his voice when he was relaxed, the way his eyes would light up when he was truly happy, giving Darcy a glimpse of the young man that he’d been before the world had tried to kill him. It was a heady thing, getting to know this man, learning things about him while he was relearning them about himself.

The first time they made love was somehow both a total surprise and completely inevitable. They were somewhere in Ohio and had gotten caught up in a storm. It had been raining for days and neither one of them felt like driving in it so they’d extended their stay at their crappy little hotel and didn’t leave the room unless it was absolutely necessary.

The rain was beating against the window as the tension that had been rolling through the room for days seemed to ratchet up. The tv was on low, giving the room a flickering glow, but Darcy had contented herself by watching Bucky. He was on his bed staring at the ceiling and she could tell that he sensed her staring, but he didn’t do anything about it.

All she could think about was how much she enjoyed spending time with him and how she wanted to know everything about him. Wanted to hear about all of the terrible, wonderful things that he could remember about his life, because she didn’t want him hiding any part of himself from her. And if she were truly honest, she had been wondering about how he might feel against her, inside of her. What he tasted like, what he sounded like when he let himself go.

Eventually, Bucky tilted his head slightly and watched her. Silence filled the space between them as they stared unabashedly at each other until he stood, wordlessly, and crossed the room. He walked to her with a purpose, climbing onto her mattress and covering her body with his.

He had her pinned to the bed, mouth on hers as she ran her hands under his hoodie and down into the back of his pants to grab his ass. Clothes started coming off and he was still in his underwear and that stupid hoodie and glove. Darcy unzipped the jacket and ran her hands down his chest, grinning as he shivered. Her hands went to slide the hoodie off of his shoulders and he paused, grabbing her hand in his.

A lock of hair fell into his face as he looked earnestly into her eyes, “I have to tell you something.” Darcy arched an eyebrow and he continued, “My arm…”

“Oh, ok.” Darcy shook her head. “I already know. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

He frowned at her, trying to decipher what she was telling him. Darcy pulled her hand from his and lay it over his heart, “I know who you are, Bucky Barnes. It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me anything.”

His eyes widened briefly in something that looked like fear before Darcy leaned up to place a soft kiss on his mouth. He didn’t respond for a moment, and Darcy was afraid that she’d made a mistake, that this was what was going to send him running, but her fears disappeared when he gripped the back of her neck and kissed her back. She finished pulling the hoodie off, then the glove, and tossed them both to the bottom of the bed and looked up at him. His gaze was steady and filled with something that looked like nervousness.

Darcy traced his lips with her finger and trailed her hand down his neck, down to his shoulder and along his left arm. He watched her with widened eyes, silent and still. Darcy grabbed his hand and brought it up to her lips, kissing him softly on the palm and setting it down on her chest. He slid his hand over her skin, eyes darkening as Darcy let out a soft sigh.

Whatever hesitation he’d had earlier was long gone. There was maneuvering, and soon their clothes were completely gone, their naked bodies pressed together. Bucky buried his face into her neck as he situated himself between her thighs and pushed into her. His body was heavy and hot against hers and Darcy could feel the tension rising in her body until she came with a gasp. Bucky continued to move against her, eventually slumping against her, both of them spent.

Later, they lay together under the blanket Bucky had pulled over them. He absentmindedly traced circles against her hip and spoke softly, “How long have you known?”

Darcy held him tighter and shrugged. “I used to see you all the time and then one day you were sitting in front of the Tower and it just hit me, clear as day. _There is Bucky Barnes, sitting just a few feet away from me_.”

He chuckled softly. “I thought I was being inconspicuous.”

Darcy grinned up at him, “Well to be fair, no one else ever noticed who you were. Maybe I’m just extra observant.”

“Maybe.”

They lay there a while longer and Darcy thought that Bucky might be asleep, but his voice broke through the silence, “If you knew who I was, why did you invite me to come with you?”

Darcy thought about this, it was a question she’d asked herself many times since that day he’d climbed into her passenger seat. Even now, she didn’t have a clear answer, didn’t know what it was that had given her an instant feeling of trust towards this man. “Because I knew who you were, I guess.”

It wasn’t a real answer, but it was true. It wasn’t the answer he was looking for though,

“If you knew who I was then you should have been running far away, as fast as you could.”

Darcy didn’t have another answer for him, didn’t have a clue what to say to quiet the demons in his head. There probably wasn’t anything she could say that would do that. All she knew was that something had drawn her to him, like a moth to a flame, and even if she was going to end up getting burned, being with him was exactly where she wanted to be. So, she just placed a soft kiss on his chest and said what she thought he might understand, “I didn’t run then, and I’m not running now.”

It became shorthand for them, _not running_. A sign that things were exactly the way they should be and that there were no doubts about them being there, together. Darcy didn’t know what was going to happen to them. Their time on the road was running out and soon she’d have to head back to the Tower, hopefully with him in tow.

Even if things worked out perfectly, if he came back with her and settled in, made friends with Steve again, and maybe allowed some light back into his life, Darcy knew it could never be like this again. Just the two of them, curled up around each other on scratchy hotel sheets, breathing in each other’s air. It would never be this simple, this pure, ever again. But a part of her held out hope that it could be something just as good, that as long as the two of them were together, everything would work out just fine.

Of course, as much as she wanted it to, time didn’t stop. Real life, and all of its heavy complications called, and decisions were made. It seemed like no time at all had passed as Darcy pulled into the same spot she’d been in weeks before, when she said those first words to him.

She looked to the man in the seat beside her. He seemed like a different man than the one who had crept around the Tower for weeks. Different, too, from the man who had hesitantly asked for a ride to Brooklyn and then never left her side. “You sure about this?”

He looked out of the windows, down the street and up at the building beside them. She could see as he took a deep breath and tightened his jaw. He met her eyes and nodded. “I think I’m done running.”


End file.
